Muffintop Baker | Press Office

[Sovereign]

muffintop.com

 

 

ENTER

[Sovereign]

MUFFINTOP ANNOUNCES POTUS EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE

 

 

WASHINGTON, DC — Today, in a video since published to his official YouTube channel, Adam "Muffintop" Baker (D-CO) announced the launch of an exploratory campaign for the presidency. While Senator Baker clarified that his decision was not yet definitive, he insisted that he would run if he felt he the best suited for the job.

True to his humble origins, the Senator took to his favorite restaurant in the DMV to make his remarks—Flippin' Good Burgers. There, he ordered a simple burger, fries, and milkshake as he spoke back and forth with an interviewer about the goals of his campaign, which seek to address national mental health care, racial divides, and income inequality. The full transcript of the video can be found attached:

 

Quote

[The video opens up in Flippin' Good Burgers, with a male interviewer sitting across from Muffintop, who is eating a burger and fries.]

INTERVIEWER: "Why you? Why this moment?"

MUFFINTOP: "Who else is there? I mean really. We've been doing this song and dance of narcissism and personalities. Who's talking about the real issues?"

INTERVIEW: "You're referring to recent events?"

MUFFINTOP: "You betcha. The headlines are bathed in blood. The blood of the people we kill overseas. The blood in our churches. Hell, even our schoolhouses aren't safe from it."

INTERVIEW: "So how do we get there?"

MUFFINTOP: "We give people hope. I've been at the bottom. I know what it looks like. Right now, you bet we're living it.

[In fades images of various tweets from congressional Republicans, particularly from Cliff Fleming]

MUFFINTOP: "They're not even pretending to be serious anymore. They're jokesters. Clowns. And not the funny kind."

[An image of Barack Obama, looking quite dejected, and brief snippets from Wikipedia]

MUFFINTOP: "Worrying about the President being some secret Kenyan Muslim."

[A photo of Governor Pat McCroy announcing his support for HB2]

MUFFINTOP: "State laws to determine who wipe where."

[Unflattering photos of Senators Diane Delorean and Daniel Mina looking quite argumentative] 

MUFFINTOP: "Arguing about who's Tea Party Red, who's Communist Red, and who's Cincinnati Red - blah blah blah."

[Image of soldiers deployed in Afghanistan]

MUFFINTOP: "All while American boys are still off in America's longest war. While wages are still crushing people."

[Image of the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church and the victims of the shooting]

MUFFINTOP: "While there's all this suffering, and people are using it to blame the person with different skin color than them."

[Unflattering images of politicians, from Joe Lieberman to Harry Reid to Mitch McConnell]

MUFFINTOP: "We had a chance to make things better. We had a mandate. The people in Washington flushed that down the commode."

[Focus back on Muffintop]

MUFFINTOP: "So, I guess we got to win."

[Screen fades to black, and a bold white-colored text appears, saying simply: 2016]